No Man Is An Island
by Doommonger 22
Summary: Becker reflects on his career and the shadow of death that has followed him through his life. Set after series 4, episode 4. [One Shot]


**Summary:** Becker reflects on his career and the shadow of death that has followed him through his life. Set after series 4, episode 4. [One Shot]

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters or anything you recognise from Primeval.

**Author's Note:** Please read and review. And please be nice, this is the first fic I've ever published.

**No Man Is An Island**

He couldn't stand it. Becker had seen a lot during his tour in Afghanistan, too much perhaps. He'd seen men die in the goriest of ways. He'd seen them blown to pieces by grenades or sliced beyond recognition by fragmentation charges. He'd seen children playing in minefields, or at least, the consequences of it. When he'd joined the ARC team, he'd hoped to leave the death behind.

But it hadn't worked. It had followed him around like a shadow. First Cutter had been murdered by his insane wife, Helen. Then Danny, Connor and Abby had disappeared through an anomaly, the human race's last chance. When they hadn't returned after a day, Becker had started to worry. When they still hadn't returned after two months, Becker was ready to resign himself to having lost them forever. And then he'd lost Sarah trying to find them.

He'd felt like his heart had been ripped out. He could remember it like it was yesterday, crouching in the destroyed cityscape of Earth's future, holding Sarah's motionless body to his, crying openly. Around him his men were falling, being picked off one by one by the Future Predators. And he'd fled. He'd abandoned his men in their hour of need. Like a coward. He hadn't been able to bring himself to tell that to anyone, not even mentioning it in his official report to Lester.

But then Connor and Abby had reappeared. Becker still couldn't quite believe they'd survived a year in the Cretaceous, but considering he now fought dinosaurs for a living he should probably have believed anything. But for some reason that he couldn't understand, this latest mission had shaken him to the very core. It wasn't the Therocephalian bite that had almost killed him. Sure it hurt, but he'd lived through worse. Heartbreak, for example.

No, what had really got to him was the girl that the creatures had killed. She was 14, in the prime of her youth. She'd had so much life ahead of her. But now she was dead and it was his fault. He hadn't been fast enough, hadn't been thorough enough in his reconnaissance of the school. He'd got too caught up in hunting for the creatures. He'd made a mistake and someone had died because of it. Again. It made him sick, the recurring image in his head of her body lying there under the stands, mauled, bloody and broken. She was so much like Sarah. She'd had a future full of possibilities ahead of here, and he'd been unable to save her. As he stood there in the ARC Common Room, leaning heavily on the table and fighting the vomit he could feel rising in his throat, Becker finally broke down. He could feel the tears streaming down his face and he could see them dripping onto the table, but he didn't fight it. No matter how strong he convinced himself he was, he was weak really.

He didn't hear the clicking of heels that announced the arrival of someone else in the Common Room, indeed, he didn't realise anyone else was there until he felt someone put an arm around him. He flinched instinctively and looked up, half expecting to come face-to-face with a Velociraptor. Instead he found himself looking at Jess. Her eyes were moist and her mascara had run; he guessed she'd been crying too. They stood there for a full minute, before Jess pulled him into an embrace, stroking the back of his head as he wept into her shoulder.

X

Connor flipped down the screen of his laptop and headed off to the Common Room. He'd had a long day and what he really wanted was to go home and sleep in late the next morning, but he guessed he'd have to settle for a coffee and a packet of crisps from the vending machine. He nodded his recognition to Lester as he passed him in the main operations room, noting the absence of Jess at the Anomaly Detector's controls before heading down the corridor to the Common Room. His mind was elsewhere as he pushed the door open and stopped halfway through. In the far corner of the room stood Jess and Becker, locked in an embrace and if Connor wasn't very much mistaken, Becker was crying. This was new to Connor; he'd never seen the burly ex-soldier cry before. He saw Jess glance up, sensing someone was there. When she saw Connor, he half expected her to get flustered and jump away, but she just shook her head briefly. Connor nodded and turned to leave. As the door swung shut behind him, he heard Jess say something, barely above a whisper. He didn't recognise what it was she had said, but didn't stop to ask. They needed time alone.

Connor returned to his laptop. He figured it was probably best to just continue his work and get his coffee when Becker and Jess emerged. He rebooted the software he'd been working on, before pausing, his fingers hovering above the keys. There was something he wanted to do first. He clicked on the Internet, going on Google Translate. He typed in what he'd heard Jess say, and hit translate. The phrase appeared on the screen and Connor sat back in his seat, a thin smile spreading across his face. Jess' words suited the situation perfectly.

_Nemo insula est_ – No man is an island


End file.
